Some Books Shouldn't Be Read
by Phantom Ange
Summary: What happens when Hermoine leaves the potions classroom with something she was never meant to see? What will Professer Snape do then?
1. Big Mistake

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters though I wouldn't mind owning Severus Snape or having him as a teacher. I'm too old to go to Hogwarts but that wouldn't matter to me. Oh well, too late now.

**Author's Note: **For any of my avid readers: I know I have two other stories i'm working on and you all want updated. But this story is completely finished so all I have to do is post the chapters after I get reviews. So don't worry all my attention is on the Hannibal and Pirates stories.

To those of you who haven't read any of my work yet, I write in a bunch of movie and book genres. From Phantom of the Opera to Hannibal Lecter, and few in between. Check out my profile for more.

This is my first Hermoine/Severus story posted, but not the first one i've written. This is only a few chapters long but I fit all the story in them. The first chapter is short but the next one will totally make up for it's length. Enjoy.

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Chapter 1 : It's Odd Without Him There

Hermoine Granger had just finished packing up her potions ingredients and equipment, looking around she saw that everyone had already left the classroom without her. Sure she had told Harry and Ron to go on ahead because she had spilled a bottle of nightshade on the dungeons floor and she needed to clean it up. But she had never really been in this place devoid of any other creature. Even Professor Snape wasn't even in the room.

Stopping her cleaning for a moment, the Gryffindor girl looked around curiously. If she remembered right the potions master hadn't even yelled at her for the mess she'd made with her clumsiness, she didn't even see him leave the room.

Cleaning off her hands from the work she stuffed the rag in her school bag before taking a cautious step from behind her desk and over to Snape's own desk, she found it empty of it's usual occupant. How weird, usually he would be there grading all the students papers with that sarcastic sneer on his face and making the occasional scoff at someone's lost cause at making a good grade in the feared teachers class. Hermione couldn't help laughing at how well she knew the professor's teaching habits. She had taken this class for seven years, hopefully she knew how the man reacted at least half of the time.

" Are you quite finished looking for your test results Miss Granger?" A tired yet strict voice asked from behind Hermoine and she turned to answer a little too quickly for she bumped right into the speaker and knocked them both to the hard dungeon floor.

All her books and the ones he had been holding were dropped on the ground next to them and Hermoine gasped and panickly scrambled off Severus Snape as he groaned painfully holding the back of his head. She was afraid to even help him up and the man had to pull himself onto his feet to face the woman he still called the insufferable know-it-all even after seven years.

" I wasn't looking for my test Professor, I was just suprised to find the room empty when I was ready to leave. I was looking for you." Hermoine said sheepishly, realizing what she sounded like by saying that. Snape raised an inky black eyebrow in question, an alien emotion flickering in his eyes. Hermoine tried to identify it but the flicker was gone a moment after it had appeared.

" Somehow I doubt you were looking for me to admit a schoolgirl crush so i'm forced to ask why you were looking for me?" He asked sarcastically as he brushed off his jet black robes. She almost thought she heard some regret in this ironic statement. Hermoine's cheeks turned a faint pink color and she coughed a bit before continuing.

" Seven years gets a person very used to your presence in the classroom sir. I guess it was just suprising not to actually find you here." Hermoine wanted out of this conversation now and pretended to look at her watch in fake suprise.

" I'm going to be late for Charms, sorry professor I have to go." Before Snape could even get another insult in or take house points, Hermoine had grabbed up all her books up that lay amidst the potion masters on the ground and made a run for the door.

Not even looking back Hermoine didn't see the potion professor's horrified look as he realized something very important had just left in the pile of books she had run out the door with.

" Bloody hell i'm dead! She's going to kill me!"

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**Author's Note: **Bet you all want to know what Hermoine just walked out with huh? Well you'll have to wait for the next chapter. Before I post the next one though, I want to hear what you guys think so far. Did I capture Severus Snape well? I'm always worried about how I portray the male characters. So the more reviews I get the faster the next chapter will go up. 


	2. Some Books Aren't Meant To Be Read

**Mirand de la Costa: **I know your waiting for a new POTO story and I am working on a sequel for Phantom's Lair so don't worry, I just don't know when it will be finished so be patient. The Pirates story should be updated in the next few days though. And Severus is not going to be too soft. Maybe in the book he'll be.

**Blue-Blood Princess: **I'm glad you find this so intruiging in only the first chapter. Thats definetly a relief. And your story was great as well. Keep it up.

**Dumbledor: **Well I hope she likes him, this is a Hermoine/Severus story after all.

**siriuslyblack04 : **I'm wondering from your name if your a very Severus sympathetic reader. But I hope you like this chapter anyway.

**Kate:** You'll find out soon enough.

**Author's Note: **I know most of you are worried about how Severus is going to be portrayed. I promise no crying on his part, he is very poetic though. Most of you have guessed what it is that Hermoine accidently took, well your right. It was a dead give away I know. But I hope you like the books contents.

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Chapter 2 : Some Books Aren't Meant To Be Read

Hermoine reached the Gryffindor common room without stopping. She sank into one of the overstuffed chairs and dropped her burden on the table next to her with a sigh of relief. It was good to be out of that little problem she had unwittingly created in the space of a few minutes. Merlin knows what she could have said to him and given herself an even bigger headache then she already had. With a groan Hermoine started shifting through her books so she could start her long list of homework while everyone was at dinner. She made a quick order from the kitchen to have something brought up to her in the common room.

Hermoine was suprised when stacking the large textbooks she found a much smaller book bound in forest green and gold trimming. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, letting her fingers caress the books spine with care. She didn't remember checking such a book out of the library.

When she opened the cover a thick piece of folded parchment fluttered to the ground. Hermoine opened it and instantly recognized the silvery penmanship of Severus Snape. It was a letter and when she saw who it was addressed to she dropped it in suprise. Hermoine sat down for a moment and stared at the book in her hand. Then taking a deep breath she picked up the letter and read it.

_Dear Hermoine,_

_You would never believe me if I said this in person Hermoine. No doubt you would run away rather then hear any of what I have to say come from my own lips. So as of your fifth year I started this book, a journal filled with sketches, poems, songs and my own feelings when concerning you. In other words Miss Granger I took the cowards way out. I hope you can forgive me simply for that if not for my feelings towards you. I beg for you to forgive the way I have treated you in the past and the way I may still treat you. It was the only way I could devise to not let you know how I feel. _

_You either received this book on your graduation day, somehow came upon it by accident or was given it in the event of my death. No doubt the two latter ones as I am still too frightened of facing what may be a lost cause on my part. All I ask is that you read this book through, and being the intelligent woman you are somehow know what i'm saying is true. And why I couldn't tell you before._

_Sincerely yours_

_S.S._

Hermoine reread the letter three times before she let her eyes fall on the book in her lap. The first thought that came to mind was to return the book and the letter in it and pretend she had never even read it at all. That was the logical part of her mind that gave her a million reasons to not open her heart to this. But this book was also something she hoped would happen for the past four years. Another part of her wanted to by pass reading the book and go straight to the dungeons and give him a book of her own, she wouldn't even have to speak. But wasn't that the reason for the book right in front of her?

Opening the first page it was dated like a journal and the entry had been during summer break between Hermoine's fifth and sixth year at Hogwarts.

_This might as well by my last will and testament in case anything should happen to me in my attempts to help defeat the Dark Lord. _

_I won't leave this world without somehow making sure you know how much you mean to me. Where ever you are I know your safe so long as your far from the wizarding world and from me. _

_When summer is over I have to find a way to keep the Dark Lord from focusing on you and your friends. I can't lose you and I know you would hate me if your inner circle was harmed because of my foolishness. _

_I have endured so much for so many years. And now I have a reason to fight, an image to stave off the pain of the curses. An image of you, having that chance when all is right to tell you. _

_Hermoine I love you. _

_I realized it when I saw you in the Ministry of Magic and that infernal battle for the prophecy. I was so terrified that you could have been killed. But you fought bravely and took care of those around you when you could. I wish I could have been beside you, been able to defend you. Potter hates me so much now that I wasn't able to see you in the hospital wing until he wasn't able to be there himself. _

_I'm so sorry Hermoine, but if I die I won't leave without letting you know the truth of how much I care about you. I love you and nothing will change that. _

Tears welled up in Hermoine's eyes. That was him who had held her hand in the dead of night when she was healing? The one who had soothed her to sleep when the nightmares had invaded. She wiped the tears away and started reading the rest of the entries. They varied over her sixth and seventh year. There was sketches of her sitting in potions working at her cauldron. A few of her at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall laughing at something her friends had said and one of her sleeping in a bed at the hospital wing.

_I'm tired of treating you like filth Hermoine. I can see that wonderful Gryffindor courage shine through every time I throw some insult at you and at the same time see you pull away from me even more. _

_I can feel the pain stab at my heart when you square your shoulders and take that abuse from me. But there is always someone around who would inform the Dark Lord if I were to let up this act even for a moment. _

_Sometimes I want to reach out and hold you in my arms until the world falls down around us. To brush away those proud, unshed tears. To kiss your beautiful lips and whisper all the things I dare not speak in case it would put you in danger. _

_I take more comfort now in the sound of guitar strings then my potions. A strange thing I never thought i'd turn to, but the music helps to ease the pain somewhat. At least for a little while._

For hours Hermoine went through many entries, each making her cry as she remembered each day he wrote about. Realizing there had always been a strange look in his eyes and why. Finally she came to the last entry. It was after the defeat of Voldermort. It was actually an entry from yesterday and song lyrics had been laced in with his words.

_I'm so tired of being used_

_Suppressed by all my childish fears. _

_And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave_

_For your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone. _

_Soon you'll be leaving Hermoine. Graduation is only a few days away and I won't see you again. _

_I won't seek you out, nor will I make sure to see you if you should ever visit the school. I just wish it had been different. That I had your courage for once to just say goodbye the way I want to. Placing a kiss on your sweet lips and bury my face in your silky hair. _

_But I can't. You'll take a part of me with you Hermoine Granger. You'll take my heart and you'll never know it. _

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase. _

_When you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream i'd fight away all your fears._

_And I held your hand through all of these years._

_But you still have all of me._

_And you've never known all along that you always had me. That I would help you up without you knowing it. Cover up my caring with foul words and insults. Soon i'll have no one to brighten my life. And the act will become who I really am._

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light._

_Now i'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me._

_It's true i'm not sane anymore. If I was ever considered sane in the first place. You being so close is driving me insane. Never being able...I love you so much! But when you leave your memory will be a ghost. Merely a ghost..._

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that your gone_

_But though your still with me_

_I've been alone all along..._

_When you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears_

_And you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held you hand for all of years_

_But you still have all of me..._

_Goodbye Hermoine. May your life be a wonderful experience. Let no dark stains mar you and don't let yourself be led astray. Marry, have children and make your mark on the world. You deserve all that for the hell you've been through. _

_I'm not worthy of that life. Just remember that I love you and that no matter how long the years are after you've left, you'll still be in my heart and mind. Forever haunting me and keeping me alive. _

_With all my love_

_Severus_

Hermoine could see the tears that had stained the page from her own crying. The song was familiar and the meaning behind them hurt so much. Gryffindors started filing into the common room, signaling that dinner was over. Hermoine quickly wiped her eyes even though they were still bloodshot from the hour or so it had taken to read Severus's journal. She picked up the book and letter then raced through the porthole, shrugging off a questioning Harry and Ron before making her way down to the dungeons.

She was in such a hurry that she didn't see Albus Dumbeldore coming in the direction she was headed. Albus stuck his hand out in an effort to stop the running student and she skidded to a stop too late and fell on her backside. She winced at the pain and looked up at the Headmaster who was smiling warmly at her with a knowing twinkle in his eyes.

" Professor Dumbeldore! I have to get to the dungeons right now. It's very important." Hermoine said in a huff while she tried to catch her breathe. Albus smiled.

" Something about your test scores miss Granger?" He asked but she knew it wasn't what he meant. She shook her head before glancing at the book clutched tightly against her breasts. " It's a personal matter Professor, sorry."

" Of course my dear, an old man has no right to pry into a teacher and students personal affairs." His eyes shone particularly bright. " I do suggest that you go quickly though, Severus is not looking so well tonight and I believe you can remedy that." Hermoine smiled at the crafty Headmaster and ran off leaving behind a very satisfied Albus who was sure his work in this matter was over.

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**Author's Note: **So what do you think. I garuntee that when she makes it to the dungeon it will not be the conventional meeting. : grins: If you guys like this so far I encourage you to review and tell me. I may hold up on the next chapter if no one reviews. So to get those last chapters up to feed your addiction please review and i'll respond. Thanks. The song in the journal was of course ' My Immortal' by Evanescence.  



	3. We've Come To a Crossroads

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters or the song used in this chapter, I just own the story line.

**Author's Note: **It seems that the last chapter made everyone cry. That makes me happy because it means did my job. :grins: This will be a bit of an akward chapter as its strictly through Hermione's eyes. So she keeps reacting to mixed messages. It won't make any sense really until the next chapter when we look at the situation through Snape's eyes. So bear with me. Also I apologize for spelling Hermione's name wrong all this time. I can't believe I spelled it wrong for so long. And by the way I accidently misqouted 'My Immortal', I thought really thought that one lyric was right. I guess I was wrong.

If any of you have read my other stories before you know I can't get through a any one of them without having a least one character sing. So my musical muse has invaded this chapter and I think the lyrics really speak for themselves and have real deep meaning for these two characters. So I have a reason. Enjoy.

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Chapter 3: Get Me Through This 

Hermione reached the potions classroom and didn't even bother to knock, she simply threw open the door and raced in. She stopped breathlessly when she saw the room was empty. She groaned and flopped herself into the chair behind Severus's desk. When her breathing slowed to leave the room in silence a soft sound came from a deeper part of the dungeons. Was that a guitar?

Hermione crept towards the direction the sound was coming from and found the door that no doubt led to Severus Snape's personal quarters. Hermione carefully opened the door to see a figure bent over near the fireplace of a large personal library. For once the books weren't that important to Hermione. As she came closer it was obvious that the sound was indeed an acoustic guitar and it was being played by none other then Severus Snape, feared potions master and teacher and the man Hermione Granger loved.

He was facing her but he simply stared at the guitar strings as he played the instrument. His dark hair falling to cover all but his eyes which concentrated on his task. Hermione simply sat on the floor in front of him and listened to the sound then something that shocked the woman even more then whatever she'd already learned all that day happened. He opened his mouth and began to sing. A rich and beautiful voice flowed over her as he sang.

_Can you see?_

_The honest questions in my heart this hour_

_Opening like a flower to the rain_

_And do you know this silent sorrows of a never ending journey_

_Through the pain?_

_Do you see a brighter day for me_

_Another day, a day_

_Do you wonder what's in store for me_

_The cure for me, the way_

Severus slowly looked up at Hermione and held her eyes with his serious expression as he continued and she couldn't move or misinterpret his words with that gaze on her.

_Oh_ _look down_

_See the tears i've cried, the lives i've lived_

_The depths i've dived._

_But you dived them too, and all for me _

_(you say) _

_I will pour the water down on a thirsty barron lands _

_And streams will flow from the dust of your bruised and broken soul_

_And you will grow like the grass upon the fertile plains of Asia_

_By the streams of living water you will grow_

_Oh, you will grow..._

_Do you know?_

_The story from the start and do you know me_

_Like you've always told me _

_Do you see?_

_The whispers in my heart against your kindness_

_My eternal blindness _

_Do you see?_

_Do you see a brighter day for me_

_Another day, a day_

_Do you wonder what's in store for me_

_The cure for me, the way._

_Oh look down_

_See the tears i've cried, the lives i've lived_

_The depths i've dived._

_But you dived them too, and all for me you say._

_I will pour my water down on the thirsty barren lands._

_And streams will flow from the dust of your bruised and broken soul_

_And you will grow like the grass upon the fertile plains of Asia_

_By the streams of living water you will grow._

_Oh...you will grow..._

The last line died slowly on Severus's lips as if it were a long painful moan. His fingers stilled the guitar strings and the room was filled with a tense silence that not even Hermoine dared to break first. Gently stroking the binding of Severus's journal she found the courage that he was so proud of in her.

" I do see." Was the only soft reply Hermione could come up with. And she was sincere, she did see. She saw him for who he was, knew that there would be a happier day for him sometime. She had even seen his tears once after the battle. They had been silent and simply ran down his soot covered face when the dark mark had visibly disappeared from his arm.

Severus was staring down at the book in her hands and sighed before looking her straight in the eye, seemingly searching for something there. He gestured at the book. " You've read the entire thing I imagine." He said, Hermione nodded. " Then you'll understand why i'm going to ask you to leave now Hermione." His voice was so soft that Hermione stood up and came towards him. Severus saw this and got up as well but turned away from her with the guitar still in his hand. He didn't leave, he simply stood there as if he were trying to regain his composure.

Hermione stopped, that had been the first time he'd ever said her name before. Not a Miss Granger or Miss Know-It-All. Just Hermione.

" Now Miss Granger, if not sooner!" Severus finally growled out and Hermione jumped at the sound of his voice. Her feet wanted to run but she told herself not to. The moment had passed and Proffessor Snape was back. She couldn't let him regain his composure.

Hermione was screaming at herself when she came to stand in front of Severus Snape who tried to sneer at her in an attempt to make her run away. She wasn't foolish enough to not see through it. Hermione didn't give him time to say anything, she stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him with all she had. All her love and trust.

Hermione pulled back moments later and before Severus could respond she smacked him. The sound echoed off the walls and Severus stared at the young woman with a look of utter shock. She flinched inwardly at her own actions, but it succeeded in what she'd set out to do. He would finally listen to her.

But Hermione didn't say a word, instead she pulled a small book even smaller then Snape's journal from her pocket and tossed it on the floor between them. It was silver and gold with a Willow tree gracing its cover.

" Now i'll go." Hermione said. Turning on her heel, Hermione left without looking back. This would either make or break her heart in the end. But it was a chance she'd have to take if she ever meet the man who wrote the journal that was still clutched to her breast.

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**Author's Note: **Ouch! How painfull. Things will be explained in the next chapter, mainly Snape's reasons for acting like that during Hermione's little mini confession. So hope you guys will review and wait for the next one to come around. 


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